Margaritas and Bulges…


I got drunk and signed up for eHarmony.  Yes, I did.  That’s something you will never see in a Jane Austen novel.  I am apparently doing this whole online dating thing incorrectly. It’s been three weeks and I haven’t even been able to get one date.  So someone please tell me how to actually do it correctly and get, I don’t know…A date.  Just one.  One date is how I will know if I am ready to move on from the sociopath or not.

First, let’s start with eHarmony because my drunken self cost myself a lot of money and I have six months to figure this out and make it worth my money.  So far, three weeks into it, I am totally clueless.  So I check eHarmony every morning, and every morning it faithfully delivers me new matches.  I go through and select the ones I am interested in and send them my 5 stupid questions.  And then…usually they do not respond.  I have sent 25 requests.  Only two have responded and the other one, I got all the way through the system with, sent him an email and he did not respond to that, bizarre!!

The other guy, I got all the way through the communication process with, I gave him my phone number thinking that hey, he is a teacher so he has to be reasonably sane right?  For some reason, I am talking about margaritas and my love for them, and he then tells me he has a bulge in his pants.  WHAAAAT?  Then the next morning he texted that he woke up with an erection.  That is just disgusting.  I don’t want to know about that!  I’ve never met the guy.  So I told him it wasn’t going to work out and then he criticized me for not being able to take a joke.

I mean am I doing something wrong in contacting these guys first?  I mean I figure that we are all on the damn site paying so damn much for the same damn reason, so why the hell not?  Why play hard to get?  I don’t play games.  I want a date damnit.  Just one date!  Why is that so hard to achieve??

Plenty of Fish stories to come in the next post. I am still re-reading Emma so I am killing time before those posts!


One thought on “Margaritas and Bulges…

  1. I think “online” has to be viewed as an entirely different animal from “IRL.” Online, people say things and act in ways that they wouldn’t normally do in real life. For instance, I specifically put “no dick pics” in my RFQ because (reality check!) if you post a request for photos online, chances are you will wind up with pictures of men’s “naked bulges.” (I know this from other bloggers – this happens a lot.) Whereas these same individuals, if you asked them in-person for a photo of themselves, would never even think to send you a Southern Selfie. Secondly, I’ve received no responses to my RFQ — and I didn’t expect to. This is because no one wants to answer questions about themselves online. (I figured as much – writing it was more of a personal exercise for me, to focus my own dating goals, than anything else.) I’m going to guess, however, that this is why you’ve received no responses to your 5-question sheet, either. It’s not an online-activity that engages them in you, or gets them excited about meeting you. You’re going to have to be willing to meet these guys in-person and excavate your answers through verbal dialogue. (Tip: only agree to meet up with the hot ones. Even if they completely fail your quiz, you’ll at least have had an hour of delicious eye-candy. 😉 )

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